Still here..

Today I woke up and was sad that I was alive.

I cuddled on the couch with my beautiful daughter and tried to remind myself as to the purpose of my existence.

I think about all the pills I have in my basket and how much I would need to take.

Then I think about Samantha and how horrible it would be for her to lose her mother. I worry so much about her growing up with her dad who got us into this mess to begin with. If he had been a better provider and more supportive husband, I'd still be married to him.

I wanted so much more. After my childhood, I thought I deserved a better life, but it wasn't meant to be.

So I'll continue my pitiful existence for my daughter's sake. I sure and hell wouldn't bother doing it for me because I don't deserve anything good. I deserve death.